Clothes Off in Public

Back when I was first diagnosed, one of my mom’s chief complaints was that I would try to take my clothes off in public.

I don’t know why I would do that because I don’t remember doing it. The only thing I remember is having the distinct delusion that we were back in the Garden of Eden. Go figure, I guess you don’t need clothes when you’re back in the Garden.

This was one of many odd behaviors I partook of as a freshly diagnosed bipolar individual. My mom can surely tell you stories.

The medicine is what stopped the crazy, and I know that’s a sore subject for some. In fact, it took me quite some time to find the right medicine. At first, psychiatrists were giving me antidepressants because they thought I had major depressive disorder. I honestly think that might be what led to me attempting suicide…

Some meds work for some people and not for others.

Some meds make the symptoms worse or better.

It’s kind of a gamble … until you find the right combo.

I think I’ve tried at least 20-30 combos of psychiatric medications. I even had a shot at one point that I went for like once a month.

But my current combo hits just right. I don’t take off my clothes in public anymore and I don’t want to kill myself. What a thought that is.

I hope if you’re reading this and you need medication that you don’t give up after the first few fails. Trust me, once you find the right combo, that’s all she wrote. But you have to get there first, which means a lot of advocating. If you can’t advocate for yourself, hopefully you have a loved one who can do so on your behalf.

If you feel off, say something. Give it 4 weeks to kick in, but if it ain’t working, make them fix it. I am more than grateful for my mom and brothers who advocated me back when I was delusional and couldn’t do so for myself. They said this isn’t her, something’s not right, and we kept trying.

Please don’t give up just because the first medication is a dud. There are so many options out there, and something will hit right for you.

For me, I tried lithium alone once and it made me feel too high (yes there’s such a thing as too high). But now in combination with something else, it hits just right. So keep trying the meds if you need them. One day, you’ll find your match.

Then the behaviors will flee and you can just be you, clothes on and all.

Arishama