Irritability is one of my hardest struggles with bipolar life. Sometimes I feel so angry I don’t know what to do with myself.
It reminds me of the show Inside Out with the wrath character. It doesn’t have to be reasonable or justified, I feel what I feel, and sometimes I need someone to put me in check.
When the anger starts to boil over, it’s like a boiling pot. At first the water is still inside me. Then an irritation arrives and lights the fire. That whole day could be spent with a lit fire and still water until BANG I boil over. Just like that.
It sucks because am typically a pretty chill person. I pride myself even in being kind and calm through chaos, but when I’m irritated all bets are off. I become a ticking time bomb that could go off at any minute.
It haunts me because my dad had a temper. I spent much of my childhood listening to him and my mother argue. So much so, I often wished for their divorce… until it happened of course.
My dad’s temper seemed to always be bubbling under the surface, like he never fully got out what he wanted to say. That’s a little different than what I’m talking about. He probably needed anger management, but bipolar anger is not trainable as far as I’ve seen.
It has no root cause, there is no justification, and it boils over at odd improbable intervals.
When I am properly medicated, it is less, but I still have boiling over moments, and I royally despise that.
How can I suppress my irritability further so I don’t boil over? Will that just make it worse?
Open to suggestion here. I have yet to read an article or hear a podcast that describes the irritation I feel in combination with a solution that makes sense. Other than what’s biblical about anger, I got nothing.
Anyone out there see something I’m missing? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. The exhaustion from the occasional boil over is piling up.
Arishama
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